I wish I could

I wish I was born to be pretty. You know, the natural kind of beauty. Whilst I’m striving to build a great personality, and trying to study well, sometimes I just wish I am pretty. 

A physically beautiful person has higher advantages. They could be famous for just being pretty. While I’m here, brainstorming of how to improve my brand. 

Because I am just tired of proving myself to everyone that I am worth it. No matter how I tried being myself, making others laugh, breaking the ice, they will always choose the pretty ones. 

I wish I could have more friends without trying hard to go to events and desperately asking for their Instagram account or phone number. If I am pretty enough, for surely I would be approached first. 

It is always a battle with myself, to set my priorities. But sometimes I just wish it would be easier. I tried consuming collagen, I tried losing weight, I tried wearing prettier clothes, but I just don’t have the natural beauty, physically. Sometimes I look in the mirror feeling confident, feeling good, believing that I am beautiful. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and wonder, am I not pretty enough? 

To be invisible, to be unnoticed, to be the second choice, is what I face everyday. 

I was often asked to not have a serious face. I have this straight-face and yeah people are scared of me. They think that I am snobby and antisocial. I am so the opposite. How do I say this, that’s just my face! I am not the  you-look-beautiful-even-when-you’re-not-smiling. I was told that it makes me harder to be approached, meaning : to get a husband. Oh yes, because if I were pretty, I wouldn’t have to think of any of this shit. 

I won’t ever be the kind of friend that people will be proud of having, the pretty one.  I will just be me. And I don’t know if that’s okay. 

Am I not pretty enough? 


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