A List of Songs Suggested By A Few Acquaintance

Source : Twitter


As I get to know people, I always ask “Suggest me one song.” This way, I can listen to different genre of songs from what I always listen to. Not all were good though haha I had to be honest. But these ones in my list, I give it a πŸ’― So if any of my “acquaintances” happened to read this blog post, you know who you are and what you suggested okay. 

  1. Suitcase-Matthew Koma
  2. Kotak Hati-Hujan
  3. Close To You-The Carpenters (cover by Julien Mueller)
  4. Urn-Childish Gambino
  5. John Wayne-Cigarettes After Sex
  6. Bimbang (OST AADC)-Guitar cover by Christian Bong
  7. Kenji-Change
  8. Jewels and Gold-Angus & Julia Stone

Thank you to these awesome people. You’ve made my life brighter. 

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Doxy to the rescue!

At first, I am tempted to visit the Dermatologist to get a prescription on Roaccutane, but I was told there are tons of side-effects and from the reviews I read on Google….well it’s terrifying. It worked on some people but my doctor told me to try on Doxycycline. This is my 10th day popping em’ pills now and MY SKIN GETS WORST!!!! 

Here’s some picture for comparison : 

Taken on 22/8/2017

Taken on 26/8/2016

 

It looks more inflammed and I have more zits popping as well. What I eat definitely contributes to this situation, I must admit. I’ve been stress-eating like crazy, I ate KFC 2 days ago, KFC again yesterday, and Pizza today, and I’m not supposed to eat chicken to heal my acne. I fucking screw things up I know ugh. Ok but I read some reviews and many said that this is normal and it takes a few weeks for Doxycycline to work, and the skin will like kinda get worst first before it calms down and get better. I have been prescribed with Adapalene & Benzoyl Peroxide cream and Cetrimide Lotion/face wash (which is an antiseptic and works wonder in removing dead skin cells!!! I swear I can see em’ drop when cleansing my face)  Doxycycline has to be eaten after meal and if not it will give you an upset stomach/nausea. When I was in a rush I just popped it in and not eat first so minutes later I vomit my stomach out. This happened twice and it felt so bad. I even took a pregnancy test just to make sure it is the side-effect haha! 


For now I am not going out at all, just hibernate. Crossing my fingers till my acne heals. Will be back with the update in like 3 weeks? Okay? Definitely not going to eat unhealthy shitty food again, will do a complete fucking detox, cut all the craps, hit the gym again and fix it once and for all. Thank you for reading! 

Throwback to my flawless skin..


I cannot tolerateΒ 

I always think that I have a high tolerance with pain. If I see people getting sick and can still get up and go to work, I think I can do that also. When I had viral fever and had to be hospitalized for 6 days, the fever was so bad that I put my iPhone password in my Medical Id just in case I DIE. So that my mum can access my phone and delete all the stupid shits I did. May Julianna rest in peace. 

Today, I was in a rush and swallowed my prescribed medicine that is supposed to be eaten after meal but I thought oh I ate a lot last night, maybe that counts which did not πŸ˜‚  It irritates my stomach, makes me puke in 10 minutes after ingesting, the vomit feels like it won’t stop coming out. I am never getting pregnant if this is what I have to go through everyday. Continuous vomiting. I can’t make it stop! I can taste my medicine coming out ugh what a waste damn it! For a second there, I really thought I was pregnant because I feel so sick and I keep on vomiting even when nothing comes out. Dramatic, I know. High tolerance with pain huh? 

it happens, and its normal

Lying to yourself on how you’re going to make your weekend a productive one, preparing a checklist of tasks for you to complete, imagining oh how good it feels to get that super due assignment done (at last) but end up watching movies…stress-eating…and sleep? Before you know, its already Sunday and it seems too late to get it all done.

Sounds familiar? Trust me, this is a repetitive shit I’ve been going through every weekends. The feeling of its too late and I shall continue to sleep can be put off by doing some things I found to work. This is a reminder for myself as well.

Clean your fucking room.

clean room

Open the window, let some fresh air and light come through, oh I swear to God this shit works. You suddenly notice how bad your room smells and that they all can exit through the window. No need for a massive spring clean, just grab a wet towel and wipe your tiles a bit, also the dust on your makeup table etc, change your bed sheet, reorganize your work space, put the books where they belong, do your laundry and especially for anyone with long hair, clean your hairbrush and your room that is filled with the fallen hair!!!

Do some ironing

Which is the last thing I would do (looks good to me, doesn’t need ironing right?). Sift through your wardrobe, choose a few clothes that needs ironing and that you will wear for the week. Spray some clean water onto any fabric that is super hard to iron. My mum always nag about how I never iron my clothes and it will give people a bad impression towards me being lazy af which I have to agree on. Thanks mum! A well fitted and ironed attire is the key to looking presentable.

Shower

I shower a lot okay haha. For this situation, hit the shower and take your time to relax, clean yourself properly and not with a rush. Slowly scrub your face, feet and body. The fresh feel with change everything. I woke up late and having not completed any of my work makes me want to go back to sleep and just forget about it. But I forced myself to shower, and that changes me. Emotional moment with the shower. I just feel like I can start doing my work right away, that’s what I mean.

minion

 

Meet Siti

Stressing out about how I just want clear skin, lose 20 kg, finish up my assignment, and study hard for my exams.

But what did Julianna do? She ate fried food and instant noodle. She resolved to stress-eating.

And she’s even more stressed now πŸ˜‚ 

I wish I could just do all these in one day and see the results. Just get done with it. 

Ok back to Siti! She’s a persian cat of mine, around 6 months old. Siti is very shy at first but now she is so manja with me hehe. 


She looks dirty but she’s not haha! Siti is not totally white, she got grey patches here and there. What I observed from having Siti in my house about a month plus is that she loves to sit by the window in my room, she always lay down on my chest and sleep, Siti is energetic and not much of a heavy-sleeper like I am haha. She is still figuring out how to poop properly in the litter box I provided as she sometimes leave her poop uncovered, or her poop just fell out of the box, drops onto the tile πŸ˜’ Ew. 

Say hi to Siti! πŸ™‹πŸ»

Julianna tries clean eating

I made up my mind that if I don’t change what I eat, all of my efforts working out would be a waste. Back in the days when I first go to the gym, I would drive up to Mcd drive-thru afterwards for a Happy Meal. I thought the kids portion would have less calories and won’t really affect me. 

AND I WAS WRONG! (obviously πŸ˜’)

With my (I would consider) serious pimples and inflammation going on my cheeks, and after a lil of research of the causes of my skin right now, I am determined to change what I eat. I am lazy to cook anything if I’m hungry at that time. I am impatient and want food to come to me as soon as possible πŸ˜‚ So Mamak and Mcd are the closest to my house. Very dangerous you see…

All those fried food, lots of white rice, roti nan, thosai, roti canai…might have contributed to my skin breaking out right now or made it even worst 😭 I Googled some of the grocery list for anti-inflammation food and bought some of it right away! 


RM44 is the total πŸ˜‚ I had exact RM44 in my purse at that time and had to calculate the total before lining up at the counter and not end up in a walk of shame! My classmate told me to start juicing, as she drink it as a meal replacement for the 3 main courses. It works as she said. I blended broccoli and apples and to my surprise, all those fibres really fill up my stomach fast! Burppp. I’m full! Infusing olive oil in everything I cook is what I’m trying to do, baking potato chips with a drizzle of olive oil, and putting some more on the sprouted bread oh yummms. Not really a pleasure for my appetite to be honest πŸ˜‚ 

Damn grocery shopping is even expensive now with all these clean eating happening! 

Luahan hati

I did a lot of bad stuff that nobody would ever imagine me doing. From taking off my hijab to drinking…it definitely shocked a lot of my friends. I see one by one people leaving out of my life, permanently. I apologize if I’ve let down anyone who’ve seen me change. I’m sorry for what I am now. But..


You want me to be honest? I am not religious. Ever since having depression my faith have decreased day by day. I’m in the phase of trying ‘things’ out. Whatever rebellious thing you have in mind, but not all haha! I smoked before but I didn’t become addicted at all, luckily, I just have the urge to rebel and ruin my health for a while haha. 

Friends, I understand that with what I’ve become now, you must want to distance yourself from me. I admit I do feel hurt. Sad. I can’t blame anyone because I push people away all the time. I always ruin my relationship with other people. 

So this comes back fair to me. When I share pictures on Instagram, I do it because well I want to share and I like what I’m doing at the moment. Again, if you feel like you’re following a bad person that gives such a bad influence, just unfollow me. Friends nor family, I don’t mind. 

I also understand that you mustn’t want a person who used to drink etc like me to be anywhere near or breathe the same air as you, scared that I’d spread out my sins haha. Slowly I am trying to accept the fact that some people just doesn’t want you to be associated in their life anymore. For that reason, I am backing off entirely. Life is full of suspense of what shit is gonna happen next and whether the shit will float or be flushed smoothly. 

Julianna is a loner

I have a small family, and I live with only my mum. Just the two of us in a big house that can fit more haha. I do everything alone. Which means, by myself, not accompanied by anyone as my mother spends half of her day at work, 7 days a week. 

At the age of 20, being able to drive and all, I gotta do things on my own. Cannot expect my mother to pay all the bills etc right? My daily routine consists of me going to college. After 3pm I am free to do anything. I either will sleep or study at home, or go to the mall to buy some stuff, or sit at McDonalds and study. By 6:30pm I have to go pick up my mom from work. I usually go to the gym around 8pm. And that’s it. 

A friend asked, what does it feel like to do things alone? Now, I understand that most of the people I know have a number of siblings and they sometimes envy me hahaha for having a lot of me time. I personally am not a fan of having many siblings. I am used to being alone and independent since I was a kid. Some thinks that it is sad or not fun going out alone. Well, I do have friends to hangout with, but they all study far away and have their own life to handle. I can’t force them to come and hangout with me just because I am alone, right? That’s quite a simple logic. I want to do a lot of fun things, like watching the latest movies at the cinema, cafe hopping in Klang, and workout. Isn’t a it a waste of time to be waiting for someone to accompany you do things while you yourself can actually go do them on your own? I communicate and be all crazy when in college with my classmates, yes I do. The reality is when I go home, I am alone. I cannot be waiting for a partner in order for me to enjoy life. When they come, sure, we’ll do it together. But for now, Julianna don’t wait. Julianna actually hates waiting. Hehe. 

I bid farewell..

..to my flawless skin. 

Since the end of January 2017, I am attacked by some kind of rash on my forehead that later becomes a bunch of blackheads gathering around, making my life miserable. It doesn’t help that I have a big forehead so it is more obvious. I swear that last time I had pimples full on my forehead was when I first hit puberty, which is when I was 12 years old. Now the old friend is making a comeback but with blackheads.

I Googled and YouTubed the solution for my problem. I saw a YouTuber with the same problem that I have and I followed her advice. She used a product from a pharmacy that is supposed to control yeast infection. Tf???? But I am desperate. So I tried.

DID NOT WORK.

Next, a nice lady at a spa told me to apply Colgate on my forehead. So I tried again. It shrinks but doesn’t go away.

Then, I become more desperate to find a skin repair clinic/spa that can help my condition. I surveyed high and low for an affordable price and the suitable treatment, finally I decided to go to Skin Renew and proceed with Nourishes Repair Skin (NRS) Treatment for MYR318. It appears that my problem is not properly addressed. How can you solve a problem that you don’t even really know right? Thank God for the consultant that guides me on what the hell is going on haha. 

My skin turns out to be having clogged pores like everywhere and this what causes the massive blackheads breakout! 

What I can summarize is :

  • I have a combination skin. Oily plus dry.
  • It takes time to be flawless again.
  • To make my hundreds of blackhead go away is by traditionally popping it. IT FUCKING HURTS.
  • NRS : Pop all my blackheads and pimples, put antibacterial gel and some antibacterial laser which is to make sure that my skin is clear from any bacteria that could make it worst. Face and body massage. The normal cleansing and moisturizing cream applied. Mask put on my face before the final cleansing again.

Tips for choosing skincare for Combination skin :

-Cleanser must be in gel or water based product. Cannot be foamy etc.

-Skincare also must be from gel and water based product.

-For acne/blackhead skin prob, use product that contains antibacterial or antiseptic. 

A day after my NRS treatment, my forehead is smooth that is for sure, but suddenly all the pimples make an appearance and my forehead goes red. I also am having my period at that time so I don’t know which causes it. I rushed to find the suitable skincare and I found it.

Mario Badescu Anti Acne Serum MYR114


This serum stops the redness immediately. Love it. It has everything that is suitable to treat my skin. (Available at Sephora)

Tea Tree Cleanser MYR49


For now I use only these two as I am still searching for the right moisturizer. For combination skin, I cannot use any too oily or too moisturizing moisturizer. It has to be gel or water based as well. The NRS treatment managed to make my skin smooth again, but now I have to take care of my pimples etc the correct way.

Top left-before, Bottom right-after

No Rush

Because people show different sides of them to different kind of people, so it takes times to get to know them all. 

Have you ever wondered why is it that your only true friends are the ones you’ve fought with? Because we have seen almost all sides of them. The good one, sad, happy, and bad ones. And after all that, if you stick with them, then that’s a good sign. 

That’s how I think we should apply in getting to know people or maybe your partner. Of course we’d all want a happy moment to be cherished but if we don’t see both sides of the coin of a person, how are we supposed to know them from inside and out? It takes a long time. In the end, it’s like gambling. You can try the best tricks to make it work but if it’s not meant to be then it won’t happen. Although I believe we should try to give all of our efforts before giving in.  

Just a thought for tonight.